twotime.

you get lazy or you find interest in something else. those are the only two reasons i can think of as to why things are going the way they are for me right now. who cares if life has its priorities. i wont let myself fall in this because i know how important it is to me, and i know how hard i work.. and its time to work.

acting, thinking, planning...doing?

plans. everyone has plans for themselves for the future whether theyre lifelong dreams set to lay in the desires of their heart or just a meander of their thoughts of 'what should i do tomorrow?' either way, i'm assuming that most people these days dont have the push to do what they want because they could be thinking that they have other days to do it. what if those other days disappear? what if you wait too long to get something done?

half the time people dont get things done because they know they can do things later. they know for sure that time will be waiting for them to get up and search for a job, take time out to do laundry that should have been done a week ago, or walk to the kitchen to grab a cold glass of water from the fridge to quench your thirst. am i sounding negative in any way? i really dont mean to.

lately i usually blog when something big is on my mind. and as much as id like to elaborate on it, i try to talk about little things first. all ive ever done was wait for the last minute to get things done. sometimes not the very last minute, but there are times where ive been disappointed to see that i couldnt get a good outcome because of how long ive waited. and its weird because i know what its like to do what you have to do and triumph in the end. i like being responsible, i like being ahead, i like being on top of my game.

i think im just scared. scared of struggle, scared of failure and scared of major disappointment. that's what everyone goes through right? and im talking about those that really sacrifice things in order to succeed and obtain what they want so bad. but its true. im scared to struggle because i know i will. im scared to worry because i'll be worrying everyday. im scared of not trying hard enough and im scared of giving up because i really don't want to fall into that. especially with a major move. even if i didn't have any support, i need to keep perseverance with me at all times. i need to keep striving and keep fighting.

ive thought and thought and realized that there are holes in my plans; things that are essential, things that i need, things that i know for sure ill lose if i go through with it.. they key is to look ahead at all times and hope for the better..

often, people act upon a recent occurrance that could have changed their mindset on everything. something out of our hands, or just a mistake we've made. many times theyre reality checks to get up and get a move on! and those reality checks are really realizations for us to know what we really want in life and how bad we want them. i really hate disappointment, so why not push? push because we're supposed to enjoy everything to its full extent right? we get tired, but i dont want to look back like i have been and constantly keep telling myself that i should have done this or that.

at this difficult time we're in, decisions are vital. and what a situation this is but later on ill know i wasnt i failure to myself. i need to keep living and look at the brightside.. because the brightside isnt always there. God is there, so i know ill be safe and living for happiness.. living for the right reasons. please continue to guide me because ill be coming back for You.

enjoy the life you live while youre waiting for the right things to come along.

the thing to do

sometimes i wonder if i do something because its the right thing to do. or do i do the right thing because i want to? or do i do the right thing just because i know its the right thing to do and i should do it?


just dumb thoughts. ruins things sometimes..

new semester

i haven't blogged since who knows when. too many things to blog about, all worth blogging but at the same time just hasnt hit me hard enough to want to blog.

knowing myself i always have days(you can say everyday) where i end up being alone and just think a lot. i think about everything going on in my life and the goals and desires of my heart that i feel one day i can accomplish and reach. everything is within grasp but none of it matters. i feel like the most important aspect of aquiring your dreams is how you get there. nothing feels better than knowing how hard you worked for something. sometimes those things may not even seem that big or that important once its obtained. its funny. and im sure that has happened to just about everyone, but i hope it doesn't discourage any future chases through life.

my point being: a new semester of college has just begin for me and classes are extremely tough to get. i have to add almost all my classes and every single one i need is full. priority registration dates are the utmost important - that being said i unfortunately am not one of the lucky handful that has priority registration. so, now i have to fight and keep striving til i get a decent schedule. we can't be picky because the dayyyuuummm economy of ours. we have to take what we can get whether we like it or not. it sucks, but theres always a way through things.

don't you find it interesting that the people around you aren't always what they are sought out to be? i know ive had some problems with people before that may think that about me but even when i think about people that i haven't had problems with, theres this shell that is somehow waiting to get cracked open to reveal something you've never seen before. one little pebble thrown in their path to make them curve and they are a whole different person. the things people care about, the things they prioritize, the things they will act different about and will be selfish or kind..i can go on for days but the desires of peoples hearts can show a lot about them. if anyone gets greedy it can ruin a lot of relationships they have with anyone.

life is weird. im just waiting to get my thoughts out but time + a busy schedule hasn't allowed me to do so within these past months. ive lost my relationship with God in someway and im itching to get it back.

i hope everything turns out the way they should. and like michelles new tattoo(oOoooohh) says, 'everything falls into place' ..holla back.




love.

what's going on?

this past weekend...i dont know what to make of some of it.

it didnt start off too well but turned into i dont know what. i hung out with old friends this whole weekend and ive really missed them. bien, who is probably my first best guy friend lives in nevada and i haven't seen him in like 4 years! ive missed you man.

anyway, the situations i get myself into..sometimes i dont know why i let them go as far they shouldn't. temptation leads into trouble, big time. who knows what could have happened if i kept going. honestly if i didn't know any better and hadn't had any teachings from the Word, i wouldn't have had any wisdom to stop and to know what was right. this was a very big challenge for me. and it will be. but after rehearsal tonight i think i know what i want. im a confusing and evasive person and i go back and forth all the time, but once something is in my sight, something ive wanted so much for awhile now, i always realize so many things. ugh fml. we're all human.

cutting to school...i took modern for about 3 weeks during summer school and im really sad its over. it felt so refreshing to take something other than hiphop. every time i went, it felt like a breath of fresh air. Luana, my dance teacher was so awesome that im thinking of taking it again. dont get me wrong i was completely lost in the class hahaha, but i loved every minute of it. no wonder its so good to explore outside your box. you really never know the things youre missing out on. also, my mission reappeared this summer, and im gonna try it out. halfway through i thought it disappeared and i got really upset but its not over yet! i actually cant wait til summer school is over.

yesterday jason and mallari really made my day. after meeting me up at work we went to go get some food that jason paid for and headed over to his house to watch the knowing, unknowing..unknown...i forget. it was a pretty good movie except i didnt like the ending much. anyway they made me a really cute brownie cake with sprinkles and omg it was just the sweetest thing. they really didn't have to. it really touched my heart lol. i already knew they were sorry. sorry for something that i got over pretty fast but its the thought that counts. it made me love them even more! =D the funny thing is, jasons two attempts at telling me that his parents were asking if i wanted dessert didnt work at all. haha but im glad you tried lol.

i think this ones really cute.

but i think this ones my favorite pic :)

__________


why must i have to think about this over and over and over again when i know what i have to do? like i said, when i know what i want and i realize so many things? ive suddenly lost a great deal of respect. not all of it, but a good portion. i dont know what to do anymore. this weekend will take me away for sure. im gonna make the most of it and think about whats right in front of me because ive missed it for awhile now. *stay with me just please stay with me..then everything else can go away..

another day of school tomorrow and then i get to hang out with ryan, b-ry and head off to work while i miss rehearsal hahah gay! im done thinking. i shall continue later.




love.