better but challenging days

i've been having better days. its funny cus as days get better you know they arent gonna last that long. but being optimistic is the freakin way to go. i can't remember the last time i blogged - probably a couple of days ago - but i feel like its been awhile. *okay i just checked and it was yesterday LOL.

anywayyy, we've been celebrating for pats bday cus he just has to be so dayum special. Thursday was a really long rehearsal day(which is when i last blogged)..we were drained by the end of that cleaning cus it was so long but it was followed by a pretty good conversation with subes. didn't realize how long i was talking.. keyword i lol jaykay. he looked like he was about to pass out in the car though..i must be that boring. NOT! LOL okay just kidding on that one. anyway last night there was a last minute party at stacey's apartment. no longer will we have the privilege to party and hang out over there in SJ after sessions or partying. i got chris' text late to bum a ride but i ended up driving with dez, drew and jon carian which i haven't seen in fo' evahhh! i really really didn't wanna drive cus 1. my car needs an oil change, baaaddlyyyy 2. my tires have been dying to be changed for quite some time. especially my right front tire. i could hear them crying from siberia. poor babies. i don't take care of my car as much as i should be. its actually really hard!! i dont deserve that car but nor did i ask to have it. eh, life goes on. we got home at 6 in the mo'nin and i freakin knocked out when i got to my bed. my sleeping pattern is gonna be messed up up until i start summer school.

Speaking of summer school.. my college success teacher signed us up for classes in the summer so that we'd automatically get enrolled. its gonna be hard times cus there have been serious budget cuts from school. i have a terrible time doing well in school if my teachers are wack. my point being, i just looked up the professor i was signed up for and i got a freakin good teacher!! im super excited nowww. what im not excited about is the 8AM call time EVERYDAY. i am not a morning person whatsoever. i will freakin try my best though. go aggie!!

tonight no one really showed up for rehearsal. well there was a good amount but not everyone who needed to be there was there. we ended up watching UP instead! its such a cute and sad movie and the little fat kid Russel was thee cutest thing everrrr!!! Pat however was annoyed!! How?! I think i have a soft spot for cute little fat kids cus my younger brother has been fat all his life. LOL i know in a sense that's a little mean to say, but when youre young, cute and chubby all around, you cant help but be adored.

one important thing i want to talk about is my faith. i know its not as strong as it should be, or as it could be but on my way home with my mom tonight sparked something i thought would never happen. tomorrow, im going to church with the twinsies caitlin and kj, and their family. its a church called Jubilee which i heard from numerous people that its freakin awesome. i can't wait! so i told my mom about it and asked her if she knew of any christian churches. all of a sudden she started attacking me about going to a christian church and about converting. let me tell you that i can't remember the last time i've been so defensive. ive read in my bible before that there may come a time where you will fight with your parents about this. i just never thought it would happen! or happen any time soon at that! man was i heated! its gonna take some time but what she doesn't understand is that i am in love with God no matter what, and that i am firm with my faith. its what kept me going strong through all the tough times ive had to face. there is absolutely nothing wrong with being born-again and she will never know what the love of God can do for you until you experience it yourself. she acts like im about to worship satan or something. ive never felt so in touch with my faith and one day i will show her how bomb Jesus really is. everyone has their different opinions and in mine, there is no better way than God's way. we are all stubborn in our beliefs because we want to believe what we want to believe. we want to have our own way in things, we want to follow our own decided paths. if anything, if you can't surrender a little bit to God, at least try surrendering something you are uncomfortable with..maybe something outside of your comfort zone and you will realize its really not that bad. we don't give in because we are scared of change. but what i learned is that if you have faith and are accepting of whatever outcomes may occur, life wont be as hard as you make it to be. everything i say is the truth. just believe it cus i get it from thee truth.

i know that was a lot, but i couldn't help it.


tomorrow is company's 5th workshop. i hope it will be a good turnout. prices are down from $45 to $35. and single classes are $15 as opposed to $20. i know we're expensive, but we're worth it. im not sure if ill be able to attend because of conflicting times with service but im definitely gonna try to catch the last two if not last class. then rehearsal all night into the wee hours of the morning woopwoop! xP




Love.

breathe..

i need time to breathe and to get it out of my system. i got it out of my system alright. 3 constant days of tears, 4 constant days of verbal vomit. we'll see what happens later on but for now i think im slowly getting better. i hate letting the stature of my sadness and anger get the best of me and i am better than that. theres a lot that people don't know but im glad that the ones that do know whats going on are there for me no matter what. this situation will unfold and i hope in due time - as hard as its going to be - will work out for the better. i love you mom.




Love.




i'd like to thank those for your time and continuous care about me..especially the big guy up there. what would i ever do without You? you all really don't have to but you do. you guys are tha bam.

...

i will say this once, and only once..



FUCK the philippines and everything about it. i knew it right from the start. i freakin knew it. i really don't want you to come back after all you've done.




no Love this time.

little recap

this is gonna be a short blog because i told christian i'd blog at least a little bit. i havent updated in awhile because i wanted to blog until after all my finals were over. i still have one more to go, next monday, June 1st.

just to explain to everyone why its so late, i have a class every monday night at CSM. and since there's no school tomorrow, they moved it to next monday. whoopie. just when i thought the summer would begin..

this semester was actually a really good semester for me. i think it was the switching of the schools (sorta), and the schedule i had. tuesday/thursdays at City College and one night class on mondays at CSM.

highlights(not that there are that many):

-deciding last minute to go to ccsf
-registering late and having to walk in on allll the classes i wanted the first and second days of school(talk about stressful)
-not being able to get into probably half those classes due to my REALLY late registration date
-ending up with the best classes i've had in a longggg time
-deciding on a major(finally)

**pause..christian just called me to tell me the story of how him and his bff gayson came about matching today from head to toe..'that's how bffs roll' haha

getting back to the highlights..

-seeing this realllyy hott asian popstar looking guy all semester. oh man xD
-delivering a bomb group presentation that was worked on the day before..couldn't have done it without you joshie!! and thanks for bringing in lumpia during finals LOL
-staying up all night working on a paper not getting any sleep and finishing when it was time to get up and go to school cus it was due at 8AM. NEVER AGAIN xP


Q: song of the semester?
A: Girls - Se7en ft. Lil' Kim

just in case you didn't know, Se7en is a huge popstar in asia that is currently trying to make it in the US. It's gonna be hard, but i have faith! Shaun was actually the one that introduced that song to me cus he started working with him in LA. That song was bumpin' in my car just about every time i drove to school. it's a good song! i swear it is! even pat likes it lol. the video isnt that great though..it doesnt really match the song to me. and lil kim is just weird.

if i knew my grades maybe that would have been a highlight too. but i dont find out til later. also, there were more highlights than i thought hehe




Love.




p.s. wasn't that much of a short blog was it? it always ends up this way i swear..

MISSION...failed.

Well, kinda. I still have finals week. I'm gonna be at school pretty much everyday next week unless i can get my work done on time and just be there monday tuesday wednesday. MAN ive tried everyday i was at school and nada. It was either i got nothin or i was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. I swear i was ready! That really must mean something. Moving on..

Sac show this weekend. It's whatever. Pat if you're reading this, there's free rollerskating after the show. Can we please go?? Maybe?? I know we have rehearsal the next day but the thing is from 11-2. If not then its ok. Marien and i really wanna go cus the time we all went for Chris' birthday was sooo much fun!! Right? Shoo i had fun..

Anyway, you know that link at the top of people's blog that says, 'Next Blog>>' ..i always click on that cus it takes me to random people's blogs and i find some that are in different languages sometimes and some i find really interesting. The one i was forwarded to before blogging here was a blog that had all the Simpsons seasons available for download. Actually that blog has got all kindsa junk on there. It's one of those foreign blogs i mentioned so i wonder if theyre even in english. That's kinda risky but my point is dizzaanngggg they're already on Season 20??? O_O That's hella seasons bro. I bet you've seen all of em Mike. Beeteedubb, way to go on that real estate thangalang you got goin on. I'm really happy for you and can't wait til you are at the top cus i know you can do it.

I heard Star Trek was good. Like, hella good. Somewhere up there. I can't wait to watch it. The end.

I freakin wanna practice inside already. I say people save a dollar a day and give what you have every practice. Or give what you can..it'll count for something! Maybe then pat will change his mind a little.................................................... -_-

I think that's all i got for now. I don't blog too often cus i don't want my blogs getting all redundant with you knowing already what i'm probably gonna talk about.

I haven't captured any pictures lately with my amazing photography skills(not) so i got nothin for you folks this time. This weekend for sure i'll be sure to have some. Ugh i wanna go to the Epik High concert tomorrow with kylie but i guess i can't. Booty.

At company today we casted for Subi's. When it comes to him you can't just practice and practice. I really am not referring to anyone in particular but i feel like he's the type of person you need to understand first before trying to do his stuff. That's why when we first learned it i was frustrated as hell and felt freakin depressed like i was taking crazy pills. Shout out to my dawg Will Ferrell. I just think we need to be believable when it comes to him and to everything we do. Not that i'm saying i got it down but it takes time to figure out what is being said..or what you can comprehend from it. Oh well, whatever. Oh and shout out to Drew and Ryan.. I'm excited to hang out and watch the movie on Saturday. 'D - Ridin` ain't ma thang' ..you guys are the best. No lie homies.

I mentioned a crapload of things..random things. Well, not really. My mind tends to connect random things together to make sense in a way. HA actually i think this is the way i think sometimes..




Love.

countdown to what i dont want to count down

I feel like my last blog wasn't interesting enough to read. But oh well. My blogs are supposed to be meant for things i feel like writing about not to entertain..but they could be! Haha.

Okay. Now, are we ever gonna practice inside the studio? I caught a dumb fever from thursday and unfortunately had to miss treezy's birthday cus it was just all bad. Today i had to drive mi madre to my cousin's surprise baby shower which was fun, but i soo wasnt feelin it. We watched about 3 movies while all my aunties were playing bingo. I was just like, dayum they really can play bingo for that long?!?! xP We watched The Uninvited(uhh, okay.) Seven Pounds(that movie was i dunno..sad and weird. kind of intense) and Marley & Me(cute, but i didnt get to finish it). I did however, eat lots of good food and got to play with the cutest little kids!!

As you all know, i freakin don't want school to end. Kylieee!! Ugh, i have one more mission to seek out and ive been trying to get it done but ive been missing the chance every time ive tried the past two weeks! I really think God doesn't want me to get it done, I really do. It's terribly upsetting me and gahh please? Okay, if there's something better out there or something to happen later on i will acknowledge that. Maybe im being stubborn. I did have all semester though. Man, fml. But really, pleeeeeease? 2 more school days til finals.

Tuesday I drove to SJ with pat and mallarki. We sessioned a bit, ran over some stuff and ate at Denny's after.. then pat drove my car home. I tried playing summa dat Kpop of mine(BigBang yeeuhh!!), but i don't think he enjoyed it very much haha. "this isn't in english!" well yeah it's not english! I tried singing along even though i didn't know the exact lyrics, and all i got was a weird look. Haha oh well. Gotta love that kpop tho feemee.

Going back to school, on Thursday i had a group presentation that we all worked on the day before. I skipped my english class right before to meet up with groupmates to work on it. We were presenting on writing and speaking. I'd have to say we did pretty well. Actually really well. I even took some pictures of us sitting around in the hall. I thought about it and out of all the pictures im now taking, ive never really taken any outside of dance. And since i like being at school i thought, why not?

This blog is kinda long. I think i'll end it here since i reflected on pretty much what ive been wanting to. I hope tomorrow I feel a lot better. If not im gonna have to miss rehearsal at night. Weak.



Couple of pics from today's baby shower:

damn they got hella stuff..

@ City:

hella big monitor.

Pictures from the fight(from the last blog):

auntie's house

Gina and her coke bottle

yeeuhh

Gina Lauren Me Carlyne Treez

Chris and Pat's mom LOL

more girlss: car lauren marien dez me

niize.

neon boy

lauren car mallari

marien

chris and his attempt at a sex face

what?

Today's Mother's Day. I don't know what to do for my mom but she definitely deserves something special. I love her soooo much and everyone should at least say happy mother's day to their moms. They did have to go through all that pain to give birth to you. Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there! People, treat cha mamas right. They deserve all the love in the world.




Love.

conversations

Ive been having good conversations with people lately. Specifically people i really look up to. Some even ended up making me cry. But what was best about these conversations was that they naturally happened. it was either a question i happened to ask or if i just sat down and started conversing. i actually think thats the best way to start a relationship with someone. nothing forced or trying too hard. i feel that correlates with God's timing. especially if you want something so soo bad and you're patient enough to wait for it, it's all the more rewarding don't you think? and when you know you're fighting for it at the same time and persevering til the end.. yeah, yannoe.

on another note, PAY YOUR DAMN TUITION, PEOPLE! arent you gonna feel guilty once someone gets really sick cus we have to be out there in the effin rain like today? im not about to get that dayummm swine flu cus you guys cant afford to say no to a caramel regalado strawberry frap with a shot of hazelnut. okay no, maybe not. but lauren's last name really does sound like a starbucks drink now that i put it that way haha. but if you could just skip out on like iono, two sessions of eating out at a restaurant? and if not that then an expensive pant leg that you think you absolutely have to have? i really do hope some of you feel guilty...whoever you are(i really dont know who needs to pay tuition). but still!! we have it good, and i really dont think most of us on the team think about that. =(

anyway, school is almost over. honestly, i really dont want the semester to end. i had really good teachers this time around and i actually enjoyed going to school. it was my first semester at city college and the atmosphere and classes were so much more enjoyable for some reason. it felt really good. im hoping it will carry over to summer and fall. which reminds me, i still have papers to write and its 3AM. i have school at 9:30 tomorrow. this is gonna suck. what to do what to do... im gonna sleep LOL. well, after i revise my paper.

goodnight!




love.




p.s. before i forget and just so i remember when i look back, pacquiao won the fight against hatton in the 2nd round, ko'd the guy in under 3 minutes. crazy.

'SURRENDER' to Hello Kitty, NOW!

I got home from the studio about an hour ago and it was really frustrating. Almost kawawa status. I freakin hate that word but apparently treezy likes it haha. Anyway, ive been talking to shaun and pat about things and i feel like a newbie. Not someone who has just gotten into the scene or whatever you wanna call it but a newbie in dancing, in learning, in understanding. And let me tell you that feeling is horrible, but everything is so amazing to me right now. As weird as that may sound, im amazed with everything. Welcome to freakin shaun, pat, and dmoe's world. I think we always need to give them more credit than they deserve. Im not gonna get into it, but damn. What a struggle it is right now. And we're getting into Body Rock? This is gonna suck.

I was just online talking to shaun and he says the best way to grow is to surrender. And it's true! Why keep yourself in the same place because youre uncomfortable with something when keeping yourself where you are isn't gonna take you anywhere? It's like going in a circle and you're constantly facing disappointment.. hitting that wall you aren't gonna get over if you dont surrender and just let yourself be vulnerable, letting whatever it is beat you up so you can get back on your feet and fight it! Be sure however, to humble yourself after every encounter with achievement. That's equally as important as everything else thats in the package.

This goes for almost every aspect of life. Seriously. If you're in a relationship, if you're in a walk with God(it applies to this especially), if you're starting a career, when you're in school.. wooo, especially school. UGH just everything!! When you get over that wall though, i think most of us know the feeling is amazing. And to know you've persevered over something so challenging makes you give so much more respect to it.

__________

Today i left aiding(sorry pat) and lauren picked me up to go over her house with chris and carlyne to make Hello Kitty waffles!! We made them with chocolate chips and they were sooo delicious and sooo kawaiii!!! eeee!! Next time you're here shaun, i'll definitely make some for you. Im gonna go ask my mom to buy one for the house haha.

I'm pretty tired. I'll leave you guys with some pictures...i love posting up pictures! =D

HK waffle maker yayy!!

what the inside looks like

ingredients..

YUM!

Lauren's perfectly placed chocolate chips!

The huge pancake we made for pat...looks kinda gross

Carlyne x Lauren x Me

I want more waffles dangit!!




Love.




p.s. Yet another shout out to TK.. we were kickin it at the studio tonight and pat says its because of you that we're all wearing basketball shorts to dance in. That if it weren't for him seeing you wear it that one day at whatever workshop it was, he wouldn't have thought to wear them up here. haha dzayum TK, you're makin yourself famous in my blog without even trying! Shooo..